We got on the call and my client, Molly (not her real name) started to complain about her parents, who live in Europe.
… her mom is sick and
…how her dad, sister and brother are handling, or not handling, it.
As she vented for a bit I remembered to have her tap while she was venting.
We tapped… she kept venting…
Using tapping while venting is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to reduce stress and tension. You are not just stirring up old negative emotions, you are actually releasing pent up negative energy while doing what you might normally do with a best friend, only it’s releasing the repressed energy from your body at the same time.
After about 10 minutes of tapping and venting she started to calm down and get a bit clearer. She told me that at one point her Dad had told her to back off, “you’re being mean to your mother,” but Molly thought she was being really good.
I sensed this was a good time to dig a bit deeper… I asked her how she was feeling when her dad said that? She responded, “in the beginning I was the mediator and I listened to mom, and I felt like I was being a really good daughter. Then when they started to attack my sister, then I went into defense mode and thought they don’t need to talk that way to her!”
“My mom is sickly and I get worried because when I call and don’t get any response, I get pissed off at her and want to tell her a thing or two. However, when my mom does answer the phone, I feel like she was feeling so poorly that I thought to myself, “I can’t say anything right now. All I’ve gotta do is be compassionate.”
Then she told me that she didn’t call them for three days. “I’m not gonna call them,” she said angrily, “I can’t stand listening to the crap anymore. My dad finally realized that she was about to die so he called an ambulance in the middle of the night and they called me at 3am. She had a blood transfusion. It’s bad! Of course, I’m worried. They are like two damn kids fighting… She was pretty upset. “Do I have to keep taking care of those two for the rest of my life?”
I asked if they are different now or have they always acted like little kids?
“Well, they’ve never communicated well”, she said. I reminded her to keep tapping… She said, “I’m continuing to tap, or I would have never allowed myself to come to the conclusion that I’m sick of taking care of them!” (laughter). Prior to that moment she wouldn’t have been able to laugh about it.
“They have always complained about each other and they don’t do it to each other, they do it to us kids. Part of me feels like the good girl for listening and being so damn nice. However, the other part of me feels like I just want to scream at them. Why don’t they just grow up and take care of themselves and sort it out by themselves?!
But if I think that about my parents…that makes me feel like I’m not being the good girl or taking care of them the way I should be and that makes me feel…UGGHH! I’m starting to feel all kinds of things… uncomfortable.
I said, “Excellent! That means that the tappable stuff is surfacing.” I had her continue tapping. “This feeling…” “This feeling…” “This feeling, I don’t like this feeling…”
I think it’s a little bit of fear because if I speak my mind she might die. Then I would feel like I would be the cause of her death. So no wonder I can’t speak my mind. No wonder I have to hold these feelings inside or stuff them. (YAWN! Yawning is a good sign, a release of blocked energy)
I don’t’ want to be the black sheep and the one that always gets yelled at and made to be the problem in the family because… and the first thing that popped up was, “they’ll send me away again.” It was as if those were strange and surprising words and she didn’t really know where they were coming from.
We continued tapping, I would say something and then she would repeat after me like an echo. “That would make me feel very, very abandoned and lonely, she said. No wonder I feel this way. That reminds me of the time when I was a little girl and (YAWN) and they sent me away… I was only about 3 years old.”
They sent me to my aunts and uncles because they were so tired of me (tears). I was just a little girl. They were so tired of me because I caused so much drama when I didn’t get attention. I needed attention. I was just a little girl and I got punished for needing attention. But I did some pretty mean things (in a very serious tone) like when I… (laughter) got on the kitchen table and took the bottle of water and threw it on the floor… (laughter)
I kept tapping and having her follow me with echo’s… WOW! THAT was a really mean thing to do when I was only 3 years old! It was REALLY mean!! No other 3-year-old EVER did anything like THAT!! (laughter) No wonder I got sent away… WAIT! I got sent away for THAT?!
“But it wasn’t only that I did a lot of mean things,” she said.
Tell me more and keep tapping…
She kept tapping, “I don’t remember all the stuff right now but they told me all the stuff I did. They told me ALL of the mean stuff I did.” SIGH. “It always made me feel like I was the cause of mom and dad’s fighting and talking crap to each other.”
In a serious, insightful tone she said, “No wonder I feel like this when they’re talking crap to each other NOW! Because I always thought it was my fault. They always said I did mean things and I thought it was my fault. I was just a little girl and I did regular little girl things. (laughter) …and they said I was mean because no other little girls did those things.
I said, “I wonder if that was true?”
I wonder if they were just saying that. Maybe it WAS true. Maybe it WASN’T (YAWN). Maybe they were just saying that to make me mind.
Maybe they needed a parenting class…
Going in between being really serious and laughter:
“They didn’t just maybe — they fucking needed a parenting class!!!” (laughter) “They needed some parenting classes and some marriage counseling — how to communicate!!”
But I took it all personal (laughter) cuz I thought it was about me. They handed all this junk down to me and they still do! I was just a little girl back then I didn’t know I could say no.
I can say NO now! I can say “Grow Up!” in my tapping session and “get a life of your own!” (laughter) Go to a parenting class!! Go to marriage counseling!!
I’m Fucking sick of this!! I’m fucking sick of all this crap!! I just want to release it and let it go! I chose to release it and let it go now.
Cuz it was MY job and I did a really great job of it! But I’m fucking sick of it now! (laughter) No wonder I moved to the states to get away from that crap!
WOW! It feels so much better to just bitch about this while I’m tapping! So I can just release this and let it go. It’s not serving me at all anymore (YAWN) I chose to keep myself safe and just release this shit and let it go!
What a relief!
She said, “Good grief!” as she blew her nose.
I explained to her that I take YAWNING as such a high compliment during tapping. It’s releasing all that old blocked energy.
She said, “Yes I could feel it shift like I was getting in my own power.” [I’ve done this before with my Matrix practitioner but I never really cleared it. You are much more “there” and I connect much more with you to release it. I really want to thank you for that! I really appreciate it! I never felt safe enough to do that with him. I know I changed a few words but you’re right there and you know the right things to say. That same memory is what keeps coming up. That same memory wouldn’t keep coming up if it were completely cleared. The memory that I was sent away.]
Finger Tapping – Talking to Little Molly
I instructed her to go to a point in her adult life where she felt especially strong, confident and secure, and she felt really good about herself as an adult. She thought about earlier that day, she has a lot of land – a ranch – and she was looking out over her property. It’s beautiful! She called it “The View.”
Then I asked her to go back to the very first, the memory when she got sent away when she was a little girl. Where did your mind just go when I asked you that? The memory that keeps pushing through is when I’m standing in my Aunts hallway with my bag and they have left me there. I was only about 3. It feels terrible! I feel it in my gut/ belly button an intensity of about an 8 or 9+.
I instructed her as her strong adult self to walk into her Aunt’s house where little Molly is standing in the hallway. Everyone else is frozen. What does little Molly want you to do? She sat down and put little Molly in her lap and gave her a big hug. What do you want to tell her about that experience?
She started talking to little Molly as her adult self while finger tapping. You are not the problem. Your mom is very, very worn out and it’s not your fault. I know you feel like it’s your fault but it’s not. She’s not doing well, and she doesn’t have a support system but that is not your fault! She is just not able to take care of you kids on her own right now and she feels that you will be better taken care of at your Aunties place, because she loves you not because she wants to get rid of you. She wants you to be taken care of.
She continued talking to little Molly while finger tapping. You know that all of your Aunt’s love you and they are so caring and take care of you and you know you actually like it here. I know you felt like you were being sent away and you were afraid that they wouldn’t come back and get you, but they will. I bet that made you feel scared. In fact, I know exactly how you feel because I’m your adult self.
Don’t be so shy, she said. Go ask your Aunt for advice when your older cousins are teasing you, go tell your Aunt. If they are being a little tough on you and you are having a hard time standing up for yourself. They are just doing it because they are kids and they like you. So don’t get so upset. At home you are an absolute hellraiser so be a little hellraiser here at Auntie’s too! Just tell those older cousins to shove it!
She started laughing and said, “She really likes it when I say that!” I asked her why and she said, “she liked it when I told her to be a little hellraiser because that makes her feel so much more powerful than being the shy girl and being scared.
She was taught not to be a hellraiser. She had to behave all the time and she’s afraid of being a hellraiser at Auntie’s house. She’s really great at being a hellraiser! A hellraiser isn’t mean, a hellraiser is just having fun and stirring things up a little bit which she thinks is needed.
Her adult self said to her inner child, “We are really glad that you turned out to be a hellraiser. I’m always here for you. I didn’t know how much you needed me and I know you felt alone but I’m here now.”
Maybe I’ll take you to see the view…
Ohhhhh ya! Ohhh that was a good one! I know you felt like you were sent away but really it might have meant that you were giving mom a little time to rest and you weren’t the one to blame — maybe it was a gift for you. You weren’t getting yelled at and blamed for things for a while. You were able to go somewhere where people were nice and caring for you and you could recharge your batteries.
Ahhh… that’s what gave me the courage to go to Germany and to move to America, to travel — the rest of the family never traveled. Damn right it gave her the courage to be the little hellraiser. The traveling hellraiser
It’s a very good gift can you tell how …Ohhhh…this is beautiful It’s great! Hell, it taught her all kinds of things. Taught her to take care of herself. Look at you how much you’ve done — you were able to go away and stay with other people a week at a time and you took care of yourself. You managed to do that and you were always very liked by your Aunties and cousins and Uncles still today. You have the greatest bond with them all and they love you to death.
When we finished tapping and venting I asked her what her biggest Ah–Ha was: I don’t think my parents sent me away because they didn’t love me (it doesn’t bother me to say that now because it was such a gift. It was meant to be). They made more problems. It makes complete sense now what’s been going on the last 4-5 months, it’s not my crap! I can support and help her but it has nothing to do with me. WHEW! Very good! Little Molly went off to play….
This is awesome Gwen!!
More Finger Tapping – Talking to her Parents
I had her go back to her Aunts house with her strong confident self. She went out and sat down with her parents on the steps. They are frozen, can’t talk back, only listen. What do you want to say to them on behalf of little Molly?
I’m still kinda mad at them. She started finger tapping….
Both of you guys gotta realize that you are not doing a very good job parenting little Molly and I still want to believe that you love all of your 3 children but for some reason you two are not doing a very good job. Your frustration and tiredness are taking a toll on little Molly mostly. She is trying her damn hardest to please you both and you two have to hug her and tell her once in a while that even if you get mad that doesn’t mean that you don’t love her.
Sometimes I know you get tired and upset and you say things but you do love her. Don’t tell her your adult problems (we are so tired of you talking about those) tell her this is her little adventure. She isn’t old enough to know about all this stuff you are bitching about and can’t sort out. Don’t tell her you’re sending her away because she is being bad!
She hasn’t been that bad. She gets frustrated because she doesn’t get enough attention and love so she does stuff to get attention. Tell her instead “oh let’s go have an adventure. Let’s go see your cousins for a week. Wouldn’t that be fun instead of telling her this is a punishment because that just makes her whole world upside down and she’s afraid that she’s gonna be sent away for life.
I asked her how she was feeling and she said, “I’m feeling really good!”
We went back to the beginning when she was standing in her Aunt’s hallway and her parents were about to leave. Little Molly felt it in her belly button a 8 or a 9+
“What is the intensity now?,” I asked. “I was gonna say 1 or 2 just because your’re supposed to say a number,” she said, “but there is nothing there (laughter). It’s a ZERO!! The image I got was her standing there with her little bag just waving at them, “See ya later guys…” Her bag had travel stickers.
The Traveling Hellraiser! (laughter!)
The next time you are overwhelmed with negative emotions, frustrated or angry try tapping and venting. You’ll be surprised at how calm and relaxed you feel in a very short period of time!
I’d love to hear what you are thinking about this story and what happened if you’ve tried tapping for yourself!
Stress is expensive… Emotional Freedom is priceless!
PS. If you’d like to do an introductory one hour tapping session via video chat from the comfort and privacy of your own home or office, please CLICK HERE.
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