My opening line was: I seem to be blocking money coming in, I procrastinate instead of taking action that would result in work coming my way, and I can’t seem to get out of this overwhelming lethargy.
Gwen made the connection to the desperation I must feel before I “kick into action” – my adult self-taking over to once again “save the day” but Little Gitta (LG) will do her level best to prevent an easy flow of abundance because she’s still waiting for her prince/princess to rescue her and take care of her.
This turned out to be central: money and love are interchangeable for me – love me, value me, validate me, cherish me, look after me, keep me safe: I feel that I have no value.
At the same time, I totally reject this love = money concept. Things flashed up faster than I could handle them.
LG, 3 years old, shoved aside roughly by an overwhelmed and worried mother in her haste to get to her ill new son. No explanation, no cuddle, just: get out of the way. LG translates this to, you’re not who I love, you have no value, you’re just in the way.
My constant worry about my work: what if I can’t give value? A giant fear called I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And Gwen providing the words to guide me through the mess, to help me differentiate Little Gitta from Adult Gitta, then from now, fear from love. Tapping the fear down, allowing me to see my bewildered and dejected 3-year-old self from my adult vantage point.
I see my 3-year-old’s yearning to be taken care of, which is at odds with the brave little warrior girl in the suit of armour who is fighting for survival by keeping everything at arm’s length, and I see my adult self’s yearning to be strong, connected, happy and prosperous constantly at odds with those two earlier parts of me. We tap into a position of peace: I thank my 3-year-old and my little warrior girl for keeping me safe all those years, and I allow them to move on. I let them go. The relief is profound.
Oh what a relief!!
PS. Next week join us to see what insight Gitta’s last session #6 of 6 brings her in addition to the End Notes that Gitta wrote up summarizing her experience with this work.
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