“The closer the family Christmas party gets the tighter my shoulders get. I’m walking around like a hunchback. It’s really stressful for me every year with everybody together. The only reason they all are there is because of our mom, they don’t even like each other.”
That’s how the session started. The following is the highlights of a tapping session for my client who has a big family and was beginning to feel quite a bit of stress for the upcoming family holiday party. Can you relate? We opened several emotional “packages,” took out and processed what was in them with tapping and she was able to let go of the stress and pain that has been trapped in her body for almost 60 years.
I asked her about how that made her feel and she said, “It makes me feel really bad because Leave it to Beaver and The Nelson’s, that’s the way families are supposed to be and mine is not!”
My shoulders are tight and I can feel irritation and sadness in them. The intensity is about an 8, pretty intense.
We started tapping…
Even though as the Christmas party gets closer and closer my shoulders get tighter and tighter. I deeply and profoundly love and value myself and completely accept how I feel.
Even though everybody’s getting together and they are only doing it for my mom because they don’t even like each other and that makes me feel sad. (A very “strong” women and she choked up).
Client: “They don’t get it, they don’t get how to just let it go.” Pause… “I almost said it makes me feel inadequate!” It was like she was listening to a stranger talk off into the distance as she was speaking the words. She quietly whispered, “WOW!”
(NOTE: Whatever that little voice in side says is giving us clues on how to help and what to tap on and we want to listen to it.)
Even though it makes me feel inadequate because… I can’t fix it. (She was sort of shocked again that that popped out of her mouth and her words trailed off… )
How are you doing?, I asked. She said, “I’m doing OK but I’m always amazed when this stuff comes up like that!”
Gwen: It’s right there under the surface and it’s an emotional beach ball you’ve been holding down for a lot of years and there’s a lot of pressure on those shoulders.
Even though I feel inadequate because I can’t fix it, it’s my job to fix it, but I can’t. I completely accept how I feel.
It’s been my job to fix it ever since I could walk… When I can’t fix it I feel inadequate. An ah-ha insight, “It’s my responsibility!”
Even though I can’t fix it and I’m still responsible for it, no wonder it makes me feel inadequate. I deeply and profoundly love and value myself and completely accept how I feel.
It reminds me of the good times and and they aren’t anymore.
Gwen: When did the good times stop?
A memory of a family reunion popped up in her mind. She was in her early 20’s. “A drunken brawl, fighting, hitting, blood, shame. The fighting and hate towards each other made me sad.” As we tapped and she felt calmer other memories popped up…. “Instead of the old people being the drunken losers now “we” were the drunken losers.
Thoughtfully she said, “Wow! I had forgotten all about that.”
Even though I’ve been carrying all this “drunken anger” in my shoulders since that day…
Even though “we” were the drunken losers… pause…. actually “they” were the drunken losers. My family. That made me feel like a drunken loser because they were MY family. Ah-Ha: Plus, “I” was responsible for them (nervous laughter).
It’s been my responsibility to fix it ever since the time when:
She instantly remembered being 4 years old and having to walk her older sister to school. I felt important and responsible. Then she was talking about walking back home alone and….
Gwen: I asked if there was a negative side. The phone had a very loud technical screech and went dead.
When we got back on the phone I asked her the question again. Is there a negative side?
She said, tentatively, “scared.” I didn’t quite hear her so I asked her to repeat herself. She said I was scared. I asked her how does it feel to say out loud that I was scared? (She is not a person to EVER admit she was scared.) “Now it’s ok, but it wouldn’t come out before. The phone went buzz… and I went OMG!!! OK, OK, I’m scared!!!”
I asked her the intensity level of her feeling, “scared” before the phone went dead. It was in her shoulders, about a 7 or 8.
[NOTE: This is a pretty common experience for me when doing this work. Even though it may sound bizarre, we are working with energy. We ARE energy. Sometimes when a client is running up against something that they are really resisting emotionally the phone will go dead. It’s happened many times over the past 5 years with my clients and it’s even happened when “I” was the client and “I” hit a emotional wall! I don’t know the scientific reason for it but it has happened enough times that I’m no longer surprised.]
She started talking about the tunnel again. I had to walk through “a creepy, old, wet, scary, dark tunnel” UGH! That tunnel!! I had to walk back by myself and I was scared…TERRIFIED but I was supposed to be responsible…. “No matter how terrified I am, it’s my job to be responsible, I wasn’t allowed to be scared!”, she said.
Then she exclaimed, “OH MY GOODNESS! My shoulders feel good!! I’ve had such a headache all day and it just went out the window. That is sooo amazing!!”
We checked in with the intensity of her shoulders and it was a 2-3.
I brought up the Christmas party and she responded, “I’m not caring about this party now at all!” Not my problem, not my responsibility. (Laughter) I can’t fix it. I can’t fix it. Hmm… it’s not my responsibility now I know that!
AH-HA: I have NO PAIN in my shoulders!!
The only one I’m responsible for now is me!
Gwen: But you didn’t know that at age 4. She responded immediately, “Actually, it was even before that… and she changed the subject quickly and kept talking about the tunnel. Hmmm… before that? Her brief comment about “it was even before that” stood out for me.
We tapped some more… and I asked her, “So, tell me what happened before that?”
She immediately came up with the story of her baby brother, 18 months younger than her, who was born premature with asthma and who got bloody noses all the time. At one point he got a bloody nose and she was scared and ran to tell her mom and she got yelled at!” she said. She was less than 3 years old and had been responsible to watch him and not let him get hurt. She felt betrayal from her mom when she was trying to get him help and her mom yelled at her. She felt unwanted and uncared about.
Even though this 3 year old betrayal feeling I’ve been carrying in my body ever since that day…It’s not serving me at all anymore and I chose to release it and let it go now…
Even though I felt unwanted and uncared about…
Even though I was mad at myself because I didn’t stop him from getting a bloody nose and it was my responsibility to not let him get hurt…
She felt huge awareness and relief! That’s where all of this was coming from!! Now it’s truly, subconsciously it’s no longer serving her and she doesn’t have to feel responsible for her siblings anymore, especially at the upcoming Christmas party!
Her biggest Ah-Ha: I did have fear and it’s OK. I was never allowed to be afraid because I had to be responsible. I can be scared now and it’s OK. I’m safe. My shoulders feel great!!
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Tapping into Your STRESS-FREE Life for the Holidays FREE Weekly teleseminar
Thursday Dec 18, 2014
10:30am Pacific/ 1:30pm Eastern
Top 5 things people find stressful during the holidays:
- Lack of Time…………………………….67%
- Lack of Money………………………….62%
- Commercialism/ Hype………………53%
- Gift related pressure………………….47%
- Family Gatherings……………………44%
If YOU are feeling stress about any of the above things or something else…
EFT Tapping has proven to be an amazingly effective tool in calming our stress response and help the body relax and heal…
Join us to:
–learn the basics of EFT tapping
–be chosen as a volunteer to tap & clear your own stress on the spot
–experience “Borrowing Benefits” -simply tapping along with someone else on their issues, can help you reduce the emotional intensity of your own issues.
TO REGISTER: simply send an email with your name, phone number and email with Tapping into Your Stress-Free Life in the subject line to firstname.lastname@example.org. Once registered, the conference call numbers will be emailed back to you before the call.
I’m excited to help you Tap into Your Stress-Free Life for the holidays!
Stress is expensive… Emotional Freedom is priceless!
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2015 MEET UP – EFT Tapping for Women Entrepreneurs – Puyallup, WA.
WHO DO YOU KNOW who has a warm and comfortable space in the Puyallup area for women entrepreneurs to meet? I plan to start a MEET UP group in Jan — EFT Tapping for Women Entrepreneurs. I’m really excited!!
I look forward to having a place to gather, share how EFT can make a huge difference in helping local women entrepreneurs get out of their own emotional way so they can make THE unique difference they are here to make, tap, clear stress, make friends, network and have fun!
Please send me a message with your thoughts. Thank you!!