Welcome to Your Strongest Life emotional freedom coaching. Do you ever get disappointed? If so, can you recognize the pattern? Read below to see how Angela was able to take the “sting” out of her disappointment, sadness and anger and shift how she has always thought about them with her own fingertips.
Angela (not her real name) and I originally started working together because of the high stress and physical pain she had been feeling. She recently changed jobs and was knee deep in the middle of the learning curve of the new job, also a bit stressful. As we started the session, I asked how the new job was going, she said, “The job is good. I’m finally done with the evaluation from my old job and it went “as expected not as hoped. It was rough but I’m so glad to be done with it!”
I said, ” from what you’ve told me that sounds like a really good description of your life.” She laughed.
I asked her if that was accurate and she said “Yes.
“I didn’t want to put a lot into being hopeful and be disappointed by it,” she said and started to laugh… “It IS still there!”, she became conscious of what she was saying. “You try to put yourself in the mindset of different things but the undertow is still there.”
She continued as if she were processing her thoughts as she talked, ” I’ve spent 35 years and that’s the way I’ve adjusted to things. It’s still there… I’ve always tried to look for the possitive to avoid being disappointed.” She told me she has felt Sadness her whole life, (we’ve gone back to childhood emotions in previous sessions) at first the sadness feeling was a 7 or an 8.
We started tapping…
- Even though it feels really sad that I’ve had to look for the positive to avoid the disappointment for most of my life
- All this sadness… this little girl sadness…
- Maybe I can release and let go of this undertow of sadness that’s still there
When we checked in with the sadness in her body she said, “It’s not even really there now. It went from a 7 or an 8, down to a 4 or 5 and now it’s about a 1 or a 2.”
I asked her for her thoughts: “I felt it coming up and then it just, closing my eyes, thinking about it while we tapped and I watched it go away….“
[NOTE: That’s how emotions are suppose to react. Emotions = energy in motion. So if we allow ourselves to FEEL the emotion it goes though our bodies and leaves rather quickly. Like the story of the 3 year old shopping with his parents. Someone in the store gave him a helium balloon and he was OVER THE MOON excited about the balloon. They tied it to his wrist and he kept trying to take it off. In the car on the way home he managed to get it off his wrist so when they got home, opened the car door, it flew out and popped on a bush. He threw himself against his daddy’s chest and sobbed uncontrollably…. for abo9ut a minute. Then he noticed that his sister was bringing in groceries and off he went to help, all better. The emotion had processed and he was on to another thing. That’s how quickly it takes to process most emotions if we were to process them immediately. However, as a society we’ve been socialized to stuff them.]
When I asked her what had popped up while we were doing that tapping round she told me of the DREAD she used to feel every time she had to ask permission for something.. She remembered being 12 yrs old, asking to go to a friends house to stay the night. She said, “The conversation would go like this, Why do you think you need to do this? What are you going to do there? 50 questions… If we let you do this now, what will you have to look forward to next year?”
It took awhile for me to realize that this was gonna be the consistent pattern, she said. I just got ANGRY and stopped asking to do anything. She felt the anger in her chest, the dread /anger was about a 5 or a 6.
We tapped on the dread/ anger:
- Even tho I always felt dread when I had to go through the jury to be able to go to someones house… 50 questions…
- Even though I was only about 12 I was so angry that I felt helpless and just stopped asking to do anything…
- I felt trapped… Helpless, angry and trapped….
- From the perspective of a 12 year old girl…
She started processing her thoughts out loud as we tapped:
No wonder I look for the positive to avoid being disappointed because I was always disappointed especially that time I wanted to stay the night w my friend. My parents needed to ask all those questions because… I just think they didn’t want me to do it so instead of saying no they put me through this… Maybe my parents didn’t know how to say no so they put me through this whole thing so I would give up before they had to say no because they didn’t know how to say no…. it made me angry but I thought it was about me… I ‘ve had to work so hard to adjust and look for the positive to avoid being disappointed simply because they didn’t know how to say no…
That makes me feel (laughter) slightly crazy. This is crazy because I feel like they said no constantly but if I look at how they were with my sisters they never told them no and THAT ALWAYS made me feel angry!
You’re the oldest?, I asked. Yes!, she responded.
We continued to tap…
- I was the oldest and I was the “test” child…
- They didn’t know how to say no TO ME so they put me through all of the 50 questions, hoping that I would just give up…
- But they never said no to my sisters and that really made me angry
- It wasn’t fair and I’m still suffering the consequences.
- I’m not willing to suffer the consequences anymore. That happened back when I was a kid I’m not a kid anymore.
- I’m just gonna feel my anger about how I felt towards them and the anger about how I felt towards my sisters…and just let it go…
- I think I’m just gonna be angry at them… (laughter…)
“YES Whenever they think they are not in control of the situation they tend to do the same thing today…”
We continued to tap…
- Now I realize when they don’t feel in control that’s their pattern
- I thought it was about me.
- Turns out it might just be about them needing to be in control
- So I chose to feel this anger and release it and let it go.
- It’s not serving me at all anymore
- It’s not even about me.
- And surprisingly it never was.
- What a relief!
We checked in with the pressure in her chest about feeling angry, helpless and trapped. It was a 5 or a 6 and now… “NOTHING! It’s gone!”
When I asked her what thoughts popped up for her while she was tapping she said, “It was definitely about them and control and the older I got the less they felt like they had control of everything and the stricter they got and the more hoops I had to jump through for everything. I KNOW it’s about them now but as a child the way they went about it always put it back on me. At some point during those 50 questions there was going to be a response they don’t like. They had a really gifted way of it always being left on me. It was almost as if they’d have me talk myself through it and then I would realize it wasn’t a good idea.” Laughter…
No wonder you learned to just shut down and be angry because it was a survival technique as a kid. You felt helpless and feeling helpless is a trauma.
Her Ah-Ha from the call was: The way that I consciously look for the positive to change my perspective and avoid disappointment is what I was trained to do as a little girl. No wonder I just did that with my ex-boss. I’m just doing it a little bit differently now [because you’re older and more mature, I chimed in]… laughter …but I’m still trying to avoid disappointment.
Now that we’ve tapped out the emotional “sting” and you are consciously aware of what’s happening you get to have a choice. Up until now the painful emotion was driving you.
I invite you to share your thoughts below…
Are YOU repeating the same old subconscious patterns that are keeping you stuck, sad and angry? Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information on how to do your own phone session from the comfort and privacy of your own home or office and begin to clear and heal your own emotional wounds from a core level and stop repeating the process.
Emotional freedom is priceless!