Friends: Welcome to mid March. Depending on where you live, you may be experiencing the blossoming of spring like we are here in WA. The days are getting longer and the sun is shining more. For that, I feel a great amount of gratitude. I also feel gratitude for my clients. Most of which are very brave women dealing with stuff that isn’t so fun to deal with and most often they come away feeling much less stressed, calmer and much better about themselves.
Laurie’s initial response to my question (not her real name), What are the 3 biggest challenges or obstacles that you would like some help on? was “Stress, Weight and Not Loving and Accepting Myself.” Her comments touched my heart. I knew I needed to share this with you because if I had a dollar for every women I’ve worked with who said that, or felt that way but couldn’t put it into words, I would be a very rich woman!
She also talked about how she would like to take her “walls” down and be able to let people in and close to her. “I tend to keep people, including my husband, at arms distance.”
We talked about how extra weight IS a wall that we build, I happen to know this very intimately, to keep ourselves protected and safe from something. And how the weight is just a symptom of the deeper issues.
When I asked her to repeat out loud, “I tend to have walls and keep people, including my husband, at arms distance” and asked her where she felt that in her body, she began to cry. She gave the “it makes me wanna cry” a 5 or 6 in intensity.
We started to tap…
- Even though I have these walls and I build them to protect myself and keep myself safe.
- These walls…
- I have these walls…
- I have to have these walls in order to protect myself…
We checked in and had her repeat the sentence, “I tend to have walls and keep people, including my husband, at arms distance” and I asked her what she was feeling. She said, “Right now I feel calm. I don’t really have much intensity at all. Not any emotion. It’s only a zero or a 1.”
I asked her to tell me a bit about the walls and why she thought she needed them.
She said that “it might have something to do with being afraid that someone might leave. Like when my parents got divorced and I was a senior in High School.” I didn’t even know that it really affected me until my last relationship before I got married. That one still haunts me today.” (She started getting emotional)
She continued to tell me about it, “I broke up with somebody I really loved because I felt like I had to.”
Sick feeling in my stomach. Makes me feel sick. Brokenhearted. About a 7 in intensity.
- Even though it still haunts me, that first week after we broke up and I moved out
- It’s been 17 years
- I still feel that sick feeling in my stomach
- I felt like I have to break up with him because he was irresponsible
- I couldn’t be with someone who was irresponsible
- Even though I loved him
- It broke my heart but I had to do it
- I bailed him out of everything
- I just knew I couldn’t be with someone who was completely irresponsible
As we tapped we included the following phrase:
I am responsible. Being with someone who is irresponsible reminds me of when I was young (what memory pops up?). She responded, “I was responsible for taking care of my younger brothers and sisters. I was the responsible one in my house.”
We checked in again and the intensity from the Sick feeling in her stomach. The brokenhearted feeling that was a 7 in intensity. and she said, “Now I’m really calm. I’d say a 1 or a zero.”
We talked a bit more about why she felt so strongly that she had to be with someone who was responsible. She said, “I just always felt like I would be bailing him out for everything. I wanted someone who would take care of me too. I always felt like I would take care of him but he wouldn’t take care of me. That’s why it felt so appealing to date my husband because he’s very loyal and solid.”
So I asked her to tell me why her parents got divorced.
She started laughing…. “Oh my gosh!”
She continued, “My mom was irresponsible with money, that was the biggest deal they fought about money. My mom didn’t really work and my dad made good money but he had 5 kids to support.”
I asked, “Oh, so your mom was irresponsible?” She giggled and said, “Obviously I have a connection there with my mother deep down that I want to have a better life and a better relationship than what my parents had.”
I explained, that if your parents got divorced because your mom was irresponsible your subconscious mind was saying, hell no! As much as your conscious mind loved him your subconscious mind was saying WARNING! BAD NEWS! Get away from him! If he’s irresponsible we will get divorced and it will be really painful just like my parents. Your body was doing exactly what it believed it needed to do to keep you safe.
I asked her what was coming up for her?
She responded, “I wish I could feel that way about my husband. Sometimes I think I don’t love him enough like he deserves to be loved. I don’t think I love him like he loves me.”
I asked her if she could feel that in her body? Tears… “It’s painful. I feel like he’s been cheated on for a long time”. It’s sadness. A 7 or an 8.
- I wish I could feel that way about my husband…
- All that sadness in my body….
- It might happen again…
- Maybe it’s not safe to life him that much…
- No wonder I’ve put up walls… they are here to protect both of us…
- Something deep inside is afraid…
- All this sadness I’ve been carrying for 17 years…
We checked in on the feeling about the sadness she was feeling about the walls… “I feel pretty calm. I don’t really have any intensity right now at all.”
We went back to try to “poke” and “re-trigger” all the main things we tapped on and her response for all of them were, “calm.” “It’s no longer a ball of energy or feelings that makes me want to start crying. That feeling that I’ve been trying to suppress is gone.”
Her biggest Ah-Ha: I didn’t realize the irresponsible thing , how it ran so deep between the three topics we talked about (and tapped on) today. I’ve seen counselors for years who have probably connected those dots and told me that I was supposed to “just let it go.” (She plans on doing some more sessions and working on her anger towards her mom’s “irresponsibility,” “laziness” and trying to “take the easy way out.”)
Follow Up: In a follow up text a few weeks later she wrote, “Hey Gwen. It’s weird & really hard to describe the difference since we tapped. I’ve been calmer and happier, and feeling like being nicer to my husband (Ha Ha), so it must be working.”
Can you relate to Laurie’s story? Are YOU ready to stop the struggle and be “calmer and happier” in your business or personal life? I invite you to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for your complimentary 30 minute phone chat. Let’s see if EFT will work for you too.
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FREE Monthly Tapping Teleseminar
Thursday March 19th
Different topics every month / Try it out for yourself!
- 3rd Thursday of the Month
- 10:30am Pacific/ 1:30pm Eastern
- Volunteers chosen to tap
- “Borrowing Benefits” for those who tap along
- Experience RELIEF on the spot
Click HERE to register.
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Tapping…Everybody is doing it!