“I’m tired of feeling STUCK around money.
I have to work so hard. Maybe I’m not good enough. I’m responsible for others. I have guilt about having more money that those around me. Rich people should be more charitable.” This is the list of things my client Sharon (not her real name) listed off when I asked her what she wanted to work on.
The word that was the biggest trigger for her was “RESPONSIBILITY.” “My dad died when I was 10 and my mom got Cancer. I had to work at 14. As I filled out the questionnaire I realized that I felt like a burden on my family. My mom was so broke and struggling so hard. I took it on as my responsibility to take care of myself so no one else had to. “
I asked her to say out loud, “I have to be responsible.” Where in your body do you feel it? “I feel it in my chest. The intensity level is an 8.”
The following is the highlights of what happened during our one hour phone session. We were able to clear some core issues for her and still had time so we dealt with another aspect, or layer, of the same RESPONSIBILITY/ money issue. It’s a bit long but it clearly shows how we are able to pretty quickly “unpack” the blocked energy in our bodies that is keeping us from living our strongest lives with EFT.
We started tapping:
Even though when I think about being responsible and having to work so no one else has to, I feel it in my chest. I deeply and profoundly accept how I feel
Even though I had to go to work when I was 14. I felt so responsible. I felt like a burden on my family because my mom was broke. I deeply and profoundly accept how I feel
Even though I feel like I have to be the only one who is responsible… It makes me feel icky. I deeply and profoundly love and value myself and completely accept how I feel
I’ve been carrying this feeling in my body since I was 14 and it’s not serving me at all anymore. I choose to release it and let it go now.
I had her repeat the triggering statement: I have to be responsible. “What is the intensity in your chest now?,” I asked. It’s a 5.
When I asked her what popped up while we were tapping she instantly responded, “I feel like a victim – it’s so weird!” (When we listen to that little voice inside our heads it very often gives us amazing clues as to what’s really going on. However, we are taught to push down those emotional beach balls and not listen) I asked her of a specific time when she felt that way. She told me what had come to her mind, the time she had to buy her own skateboard… “That’s the thing that popped into my head but I have no idea why. I haven’t thought about that in a very long time. I don’t know what it is but it’s there. I was about 12 or 13. I wanted it so bad.”
We tapped some more:
Even though I had to buy my own skateboard if I wanted it, and I wanted it and I felt like a victim. I accept how I feel
Even though I felt like a victim and I was only 12 or 13 I completely accept how I feel now
Even though I had to buy my own skateboard and I felt like a victim, I deeply and profoundly love and value myself and completely accept how I feel about it
We continued to “unpack” the stuffed emotions with the tapping:
It was the total opposite of being responsible
I felt like a victim because I was responsible. I HAD to be responsible.
At 12 years old it made me feel like a victim because it wasn’t fair
It wasn’t fair because I needed to be a kid. and I couldn’t be a kid
I didn’t want to be responsible, it made me feel sad and it wasn’t fair
That made me feel small
Part of me had to be responsible and the other part of me felt small
that made me feel unhappy
I asked, “Do you feel a tug-o-war inside?” She answered a resounding, “YES!“
I continued, “It felt like a tug-o-war and it still feels like a tug-o-war! Is that accurate?” She responded, “YES!“
I’m open to the possibility that the feeling of having to be RESPONSIBLE that I got when I was only 12 years old, that I’ve been storing in my body ever since, isn’t’ serving me at all any more. I’m a grown up now. I chose to release it and let it go.
I choose to feel safe.
I asked her what the feeling was in her chest now when she said out loud, I have to be responsible. She responded, “it’s a “ZERO! I don’t feel any tension in my chest anymore but I do feel tingly from my forehead down to the bridge of my nose. It feels good!“
[NOTE: I explained that “The cause of all negative emotion is a disruption in our bodies energy system.” ~Gary Craig, founder of EFT and the tingly she was feeling was the stuck energy releasing and moving again. The word emotion equals “energy IN motion.”]
She explained what she was experiencing: “After tapping I now realize some more details about the skateboard event. I was short on money and my mom wouldn’t give me the extra money so I had to wait and go back and get the skateboard after I earned enough money to buy it.”
“Now I get it!,” she said with surprise. “Before I didn’t even know what I was thinking about regarding the skateboard. Now it makes more sense!“
When I asked her to repeat “I have to be responsible” and how does it feel now? She said, “It feels like freedom! It feels like I have control, in a good sense. It’s ok. Everything’s gonna be ok.”
When I asked her what had popped up while we were tapping? she told me, “I realized that when we said the word responsible that I experienced a flash of EVERYTHING I’ve ever been responsible for.“ “I didn’t want to be responsible that my father died and I had to step up. I didn’t want to be responsible….it just kept going over and over and over almost like a flood of watching my life flash…. I felt this sinking feeling… I don’t want to be responsible… I shouldn’t have to be responsible… I’m a little kid… it was like screaming, I don’t want to be responsible! It’s not my life! it’s not my choice! I didn’t want all this. I see the little kid having like a temper tantrum saying, I just want to be a kid!“
We talked about how when she has to be responsible now, that she’s still experiencing that little girl feeling as an adult. It’s like her little girl self is screaming, “I DON’T WANT TO!!!,” from a 12 year olds perspective. She answered with a resounding, “YES!!“
Then she started having Ah-Ha’s: “What I’m realizing is that in my past I’ve abused alcohol to not be responsible. If I was drunk then I couldn’t be responsible for anybody else and I couldn’t be responsible for me! So it was an escape mechanism that I use to use when I was younger to not be responsible.”
When I asked her about how it feels now, after the tapping, when you think about the money. Does it feel more like you are being responsible for the money and you have to work hard at it, and maybe you’re not good enough at it and you’re responsible for others and you should give it away and the guilt of having more that those around me…. (all the things she told me at the beginning of the call) Does that feel like it’s coming from an adult perspective or a 12 year olds perspective now?
Her response was: “It was actually a distorted viewpoint of things… from a child’s perspective. I know that’s not the truth [NOW]. It feels like my little kid has put all those things around it to kind of justify it.“
I answered, “Of course she did! What other tools did she have when she was only 12?”
She continued, “I pride myself on being responsible, but that tug-of-war feeling from my little girls perspective is so interesting. I am a victim…but I’m NOT a victim. It’s so interesting!”
I asked, “I’m sure that before this call, saying out loud, “I am a victim” was the very last thing EVER that you’d wanted to say, right?”
“YES! I HATE that word!!,” she responded. I asked, “Does it still have as much “sting” to it right now as it did before we tapped?” “NO!,” she answered, and laughed. “because it makes more sense now.” We checked in with the intensity in her body. It was a “zero“!
Another aspect, or layer, of her money issues
We still had some time left so she started telling me that “both my husband and I have the same issues with having to be responsible. Yet, both of us will spend it when we have it and not even think about it until afterwards. Then we would have buyers remorse.” She laughed and said, “Well our little kids must think, well, there’s more where that came from! They spend it on stupid stuff that doesn’t matter.“
Then what happens?, I asked.
“Then my adult self jumps in afterwards, OK that was dumb! Now I don’t have enough money to pay my rent or I don’t have enough money to do whatever… then I start trying to talk myself out of those feelings:
Oh, you always make it work
The money will come
You are very resourceful
Then it does but it’s painful and hard and I don’t like that!”
I asked her if she could recall a specific time or event where that really happened. A time when you went out as the little kid and said, woo-hoo! Let’s play! Then afterwards it was “Oh god, that was dumb! Now I don’t have enough money to pay my rent!”
Instantly she said, “YES!! THAT’S MY MOM! When I was 21 I bought a dirt bike, all the gear to go with it. I was super excited! I got my own loan. I got the motorcycle, I got all my stuff, I was really pumped up about it! Something I had always wanted for ME! It was the first thing that I really got for ME! [She recognized, “This is pretty much a metaphor for my whole life“]. My mom comes and says, “That was stupid! Why would you EVER do that?” She went into “That’s not being responsible! Why would you buy something like that? Why wouldn’t you spend your money on something better? That’s not very wise!“
Where do you feel that in your body? I asked. “All over,” she responded. “From my shoulders down to my stomach. My whole torso. I feel droopy shoulders. I think it’s shame. I was ashamed of myself and I thought, you’re right, maybe I should have been more responsible.” [As the words came out of her mouth she became consciously aware of what she just said and blurted out, There’s that word again – RESPONSIBLE!] The intensity number was 8.
We tapped some more…
Even though I was so super excited to buy that dirt bike. It was the first thing for ME that I’ve gotten. I deeply and profoundly accept how I feel.
Even though my mom said, “Why would you do that? That was stupid. That wasn’t very responsible I deeply and profoundly love and value myself and accept how I feel
Even though I was ashamed of myself, I should have been more responsible. I’ve always had to be responsible. I deeply and profoundly accept how I feel
I should have been more responsible, but I don’t want to be responsible!
Part of me doesn’t want to be responsible, but if I’m not responsible then I’ll be judged
I don’t want to be judged
But I’m so afraid of being judged that I have to be responsible
I’m open to the possibility that I’m able to release the fear of being judged if I’m not responsible
I choose to release that fear, in every cell of my body…
We checked in as I had her repeat, “I’m ashamed of myself. I should have been more responsible.” She said, without me asking, I feel that “release thing” in my torso!! It’s a “Zero!”
When I asked her what popped up during the tapping she responded: “Thinking about my mom and how she’s been telling me for a long time now, she always tells me, “you guys had such a shitty childhood. So traumatic. You experienced such hard things.” I respond, “No, I don’t thinks so. That made me who I am….” and then I can feel that tug-o-war inside myself.
“Wow, you’re right Mom! I did have a lot of tough things that I dealt with and that’s ok. At the same time it’s NOT ok! You’re right! I’m finally able to see that balance. The tug-o-war. Normally I’m saying, “No mom, it’s fine. It made me who I am today.” [Shoving down those emotional beach balls] …and the other part of me is saying now, “NO I WANT TO BE A KID!!”
Then she said, “You’re right! The “sting” isn’t there anymore! It’s ok that I felt like that when I was a kid.”
I followed up with, “As a kid you thought that emotion of NO I WANT TO BE A KID! might kill you. Your very survival depended on not experiencing that feeling! And you only had one parent left and that felt very dangerous to you.”
She said, “TOTALLY!” “I don’t feel any tears or anything. I was feeling tears when we talked about my dad passing and I was 10. I felt so sad and that it wasn’t fair! But I felt responsible for my mom and making sure everyone was ok. I locked in that I was responsible for everyone’s emotions and everyone’s pain and that it was my duty to take care of everybody and I had to be the strong one. If I fell apart, everyone would fall apart. I realize now that I felt like I had to step up as the other parent. That’s what I took on. Watching everyone be sad and upset trying to deal with all of that.”
“Much pressure for a 10 year old?” I asked.
“Holy crap! I couldn’t even imagine that for my own child!! Now that I can see it from the exterior. Man, that’s a lot for a 10 year old to take on!”
As children we don’t allow ourselves to feel our real feelings and that’s why EFT is so powerful, it helps us to feel the feelings that we’ve been stuffing and get to the other side of them so we can stop repeating them.
Ya, I thought to myself, “why would I care about the skateboard thing? I don’t have any feelings about that. I feel funny that I remembered specific details about that skate board. What is this? I don’t understand. I don’t have any negative emotions about this….err, wait! OH, NOW I remember why I was so upset!!” Laughter
What childhood emotions may be controlling YOUR adult money story? Are they still serving you? If not, I invite you to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule your session and clear the emotions under your own money story so you can live Your Strongest Life!
Fear is expensive…
Emotional Freedom is priceless!